The Emotional Side of Infertility: How to Cope and Stay Positive

Infertility is more than a medical condition—it’s an emotional journey that can deeply affect one’s mental health. And it's far more common than many realize, affecting about 1 in 8 couples of childbearing age¹. Yet despite its prevalence, the experience often carries a stigma of silence and isolation. Couples navigating infertility may feel intense grief, guilt, or inadequacy as months or years go by without a successful pregnancy. This struggle is widely recognized as one of the most stressful life crises a person or couple can face. Research shows that women dealing with infertility can experience levels of anxiety and depression comparable to those of patients with cancer or heart disease². It’s no surprise, then, that numerous studies report high rates of clinical depression and anxiety among individuals coping with infertility³⁻⁴. In one study, nearly 40% of women and 15% of men going through fertility treatments met the criteria for major depressive disorder⁴. Clearly, the emotional toll of infertility is real and significant—but there are ways to cope with these feelings and remain hopeful on the journey to parenthood.

Understanding the Emotional Impact

Each failed cycle or negative pregnancy test can feel like a devastating loss. It’s normal for those struggling with infertility to experience a roller coaster of emotions: hope and excitement at the start of a cycle, followed by disappointment, grief, or anger if pregnancy doesn’t occur. Many individuals grapple with feelings of shame or inadequacy, worrying that they are “broken” or letting their partner down. They may find it painful to attend baby showers or see pregnancy announcements on social media, leading to social withdrawal and a sense of isolation. Important relationships can become strained under the pressure—partners might cope in different ways or have mismatched feelings about when to seek further treatment or stop trying, adding to stress in the relationship.

It’s also common for people to experience a loss of control and identity. Family-building is often something we assume will happen when we’re ready; when it doesn’t, the loss of the imagined future can trigger a cycle of grief similar to mourning a loved one. At times, those facing infertility might cycle through denial, bargaining, sadness, and even anger at their situation. Recognizing these feelings as a natural response to infertility is important. You are not alone, and these emotions are not a personal failure—they are a human reaction to a difficult life challenge.

Strategies for Coping and Staying Positive

While you cannot entirely remove the stress and sadness of infertility, there are healthy ways to cope that can ease the emotional burden and help you stay positive. Here are several strategies and coping techniques that have helped others navigate the infertility journey:

• Acknowledge and Express Your Emotions: Give yourself permission to feel whatever emotions arise—be it sadness, frustration, jealousy, or hope. Suppressing feelings can actually increase stress over time. Instead, find a safe way to express them. This might mean journaling your thoughts, talking openly with your partner or a close friend, or joining a support group where you can vent and feel understood. Remember that your feelings are valid, and acknowledging them is a first step toward healing.
• Build a Support Network: Isolation can worsen the emotional strain, so it’s crucial to seek support. Consider joining an infertility support group (online or in-person) or connecting with communities through organizations like RESOLVE. Sharing experiences with others who “get it” helps combat the loneliness and can provide practical coping tips. Many people find comfort in realizing they are not alone in this struggle. Beyond peer support, lean on trusted friends and family members who are empathetic. Let them know how they can help—whether you need a listening ear or a distraction on a tough day. You might be surprised how much lighter the load feels when shared.
• Communicate with Your Partner: Infertility is often a shared journey for couples, and open communication is key to staying emotionally connected. People may cope differently—one partner might want to talk frequently about next steps, while the other prefers time to process feelings quietly. Try to be honest about your needs and fears with each other. Schedule regular check-ins where you both can speak openly about how you’re feeling, without judgment. By working together, you can fortify your relationship instead of letting infertility create a rift between you. Furthermore, make time for non-baby-related activities together to nurture your bond and remind yourselves that you are more than this challenge.
• Manage Stress with Healthy Self-Care: High stress and anxiety often accompany infertility, so developing stress-reduction habits will benefit your emotional and physical well-being. Practice relaxation techniques such as deep breathing exercises, meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, or yoga. These activities activate the body’s relaxation response, helping to calm the mind. Regular exercise is another excellent stress reliever that can improve mood (just be sure to follow any guidelines from your doctor regarding exercise during treatment). Prioritize sleep and maintain a balanced, nutritious diet to support your body. While it’s hard to stay completely relaxed during this journey, incorporating small daily self-care rituals—like taking a walk, soaking in a warm bath, or listening to soothing music—can help keep stress in check.
• Consider Professional Counseling: Sometimes the intensity of grief, depression, or anxiety may feel overwhelming, and that’s when a mental health professional can be especially helpful. Therapists who specialize in infertility or reproductive counseling understand the unique challenges you’re facing. They can teach coping skills for managing stress and negative thoughts and provide a safe space to work through complex emotions. Don’t hesitate to seek help; therapy or counseling (individually or as a couple) is not a sign of weakness but a proactive step to care for your mental health. In fact, mental health interventions have been shown to reduce the distress associated with infertility and help people feel more in control of their journey¹. If you’re experiencing symptoms of clinical depression or anxiety (such as persistent sadness, hopelessness, constant worry, or loss of interest in things you used to enjoy), reach out to a healthcare provider. In some cases, support groups, counseling, or medication may greatly improve your quality of life during infertility treatments.
• Set Boundaries and Practice Saying “No”: To protect your emotional well-being, it’s okay—and often necessary—to set boundaries. If certain social situations (like child-centered events or gatherings where everyone is asking about kids) are too painful right now, give yourself permission to skip them or to participate on your terms. Don’t feel obligated to answer intrusive questions about your family plans. It can help to plan a polite but firm response for those who ask (for example, “We’re hopeful it will happen when the time is right” or “It’s a sensitive topic for us, thanks for understanding”). Setting boundaries also applies to how much you immerse yourself in fertility-related research or forums; while being informed is good, constant focus on the issue can increase stress. Allow yourself breaks from thinking about infertility.
• Stay Informed (at Your Pace): Knowledge can reduce fear of the unknown. Educate yourself about fertility treatments and what to expect, using reliable sources or information provided by your healthcare providers. Understanding the medical process can make it feel less overwhelming and more procedural. However, balance is key—some people find that too much information or obsessively tracking every symptom can heighten anxiety. Gauge what level of information makes you feel empowered versus what makes you feel more stressed, and adjust accordingly.
• Maintain Hope and Reframe Negative Thoughts: Staying positive doesn’t mean ignoring the reality of the challenges; rather, it’s about cultivating hope and resilience despite those challenges. One way to do this is by reframing negative thoughts. When you catch yourself in a spiral of pessimism or self-blame (“This will never work,” “I’m a failure”), try to counter with more compassionate, hopeful statements: “I am doing everything I can, and there is still hope,” or “Infertility is a medical issue, not my fault.” Some couples find it helpful to celebrate small milestones (completing a test, getting through an injection phase) to keep morale up. Others focus on future family-building possibilities beyond biological conception, reminding themselves that there are multiple paths to parenthood (such as IVF, donor conception, or adoption). By shifting the internal narrative to one of perseverance and self-compassion, you can protect your mental health and keep moving forward.
• Explore Mind-Body Programs: A growing body of evidence suggests that mind-body interventions (which combine stress reduction, relaxation training, exercise, and support components) can have tangible benefits for those undergoing fertility treatment. These programs aim to alleviate emotional distress, and some research even indicates they might improve fertility outcomes. For example, in one Harvard-affiliated program that taught relaxation techniques and coping skills, women reported significantly lower stress—and 34% of participants became pregnant within six months of completing the program⁵. While more research is needed, other studies have similarly found that reducing psychological stress may positively influence reproductive hormones and treatment success rates. Engaging in such a workshop or program can, at the very least, give you a sense of control and emotional support throughout the process.
• Remember Your Worth Outside of Infertility: It’s easy for the pursuit of pregnancy to consume your identity and day-to-day life. Try to nurture other aspects of yourself whenever possible. Engage in hobbies or activities that you enjoy and that make you feel accomplished or at peace—whether it’s art, cooking, volunteering, spending time in nature, or anything that brings you joy. Rekindling these parts of your life can provide a mental break from fertility-focused stress and remind you that your life has meaning and value beyond this challenge.

Looking Ahead with Hope

Coping with the emotional side of infertility is undoubtedly difficult, but by using strategies like the ones above, many individuals and couples find they can regain a sense of balance and hope. It’s important to recognize that you are not alone on this journey—support is available, whether through friends, family, support groups, or professionals. Every path to parenthood is unique; some will ultimately be successful with treatment, others may choose alternate routes to building a family, and some may redefine what fulfillment means for them. There is no “right” way to feel and no set timeline for healing from the disappointments along the way.

What’s crucial is to be gentle with yourself and your partner. Celebrate the small victories, like making it through a tough week or bravely trying a new treatment. Practice gratitude for the positives in your life, even as you acknowledge the pain of what’s missing. Many who have gone through infertility later reflect that the experience, while extremely challenging, taught them greater resilience, empathy, and appreciation for what they have. By managing stress, seeking support, and keeping an open heart, you can protect your emotional well-being and find moments of positivity even in the midst of struggle. Remember that hope can take many forms—whether it’s hope in a future pregnancy or hope in finding peace with whatever outcome life brings. Infertility is just one chapter of your life story, not the whole of it. With the right coping tools and support, you can emerge from this chapter stronger, more compassionate to yourself, and ready to embrace the future, whatever it may hold.

References:

1. American Psychiatric Association. Infertility: The Impact of Stress and Mental Health. APA Blog (April 17, 2019). Accessed: Jan 2025. (Provides prevalence of infertility and overview of mental health impacts.)
2. Domar AD, Zuttermeister PC, Friedman R. The psychological impact of infertility: a comparison with patients with other medical conditions. J Psychosom Obstet Gynaecol. 1993;14:45–52. (Classic study finding infertility-related stress levels comparable to serious illness.)
3. Susser LC, Lin J. Recognizing the Psychological Toll of Infertility in Women. Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) – From the Experts Blog. 2022. Accessed: Jan 2025. (Reports statistics on high rates of depression and anxiety among women with infertility.)
4. Holley SR, Pasch LA, Bleil ME, Gregorich SE, Katz PP. Prevalence and predictors of major depressive disorder for fertility treatment patients and their partners. Fertil Steril. 2015;103(5):1332-1339. (Study documenting rates of major depression in women and men during fertility treatment.)
5. Domar AD, et al. Impact of a mind-body program on in vitro fertilization success rates. Fertil Steril. 2011;95(7):2269-2273. (Study showing that stress reduction and mind-body interventions were associated with improved pregnancy rates in IVF patients.)
6. Klonoff-Cohen H, Natarajan L. The Concerns During Assisted Reproductive Technologies (CART) scale and pregnancy outcomes. Fertil Steril. 2004;81(4):982–988. (Study finding that higher stress and worry levels in women undergoing IVF were correlated with fewer eggs retrieved and lower success rates.)